Before Today

Prior to today, the concept of cancer and dying always seemed so far away.  I prayed for people and talked with others about it, but had never truly experienced either of those things.

Today changed everything.

It's surreal.  It's breath-taking.  

One minute you are heading to support a love in need.  The next you are being told in a somewhat dream state that those masses are indeed what they thought they were and that we're in it for the long haul.

Before today I never knew how much I really really loved my family.  I mean, we all "love" our family.  But today I realized how much they are a part of me and how much I could not be the person I am without them.  

Today I realized that I am blessed in so many insignificant ways.  I just quit my job.  Excessive free time?  Yes!  Coincidence?  I think not.  I also have this same family is not my immediate family, but yet I am a part of theirs.  I must be there for them.  They've always been there for me.  Now it is my turn to cry, laugh, and love right along with them.  My heart just aches today.

I also have a pretty amazing friend that I am so fortunate to have.  There aren't words for the gratitude, and yes, I would absolutely, in a heart beat, do the same for you.

Before today, life was just moving right along.  Today everything stopped.  The world kept moving, but my life and life of those that I love came to a screeching halt.  

Pause.  Readjust.  Continue.  

That is the order that will now be my life.  Life lessons.   So hard to learn sometimes.